How to Handle Negative Feedback
Have you received negative feedback recently that you're not sure how to handle?
As leaders, we're constantly receiving feedback.
From employees, co-workers, supervisors, customers....and the list goes on.
Sometimes it feels like we are stuck in a constant cycle of giving and receiving feedback at work.
And yet this skill of receiving feedback, especially receiving negative feedback, is so important to our success as leaders.
Why is the skill of receiving feedback so important?
Employee retention: Employees want to work somewhere where it's safe to share what they think, even when it's not positive
Innovation: Workplace cultures of "nice," where we avoid productive criticism, stifles creativity and forward progress
Relationships: Sure it feels easier to only say positive things to each other, but is that really building trusting, authentic relationships that will hold up during difficult times?
Receiving negative feedback (aka healthy/productive criticism from people I work with) has definitely been a growth edge for me as a leader and business owner.
As a recovering perfectionist, I used to think that when I received negative feedback, it meant I had done something irrevocably wrong.
As I continue to grow as a leader though, I've found that when people are authentically honest with me, it actually helps me to improve and grow.
Without receiving negative feedback recently, I would not have been able to...
Improve the impact of one of my leadership training programs
Properly understand an employee policy situation so that I could implement a workable solution
Develop an authentic and productive working relationship with a new client
Sure, receiving negative feedback is tough. To process negative feedback in a productive way, It takes a significant amount of vulnerability.
For me, it takes lots of deep breaths, seeking peer support, and genuinely listening and seeking clarity before responding.
Guidance for Avoiding Getting Defensive
When I first started out as a leader, I didn't fully value the importance of seeking clarity rather than responding in the moment. If someone approached me with negative feedback, my tendency was to defend myself, rather than seek to understand what they were saying.
One of the most helpful pieces of guidance for how to avoid getting defensive when receiving negative feedback is from Radical Candor, which says,
"When you get feedback, listen with the intent to understand, not to respond.
Whatever you do, don’t start criticizing the criticism. Don’t start telling the other person they weren’t Radically Candid! Instead, try to repeat what the person said to make sure you’ve understood it, rather than defending yourself against the criticism that you’ve just heard.
Listen to and clarify the criticism — but don’t debate it. Try saying, “So what I hear you saying is . . .” If you find my language too programmatic, find another way to say it.
If you’re like most people, you’ll probably feel a strong urge to act defensively when you get criticism — or at the least to explain yourself. This is a natural response, but it pretty much kills any chance that you’ll get the person to offer you the gift of candor again. So don’t feel bad that you are having this very normal human reaction. Manage your feelings rather than letting them manage you.
Remind yourself going in that no matter how unfair the criticism, your first job is to listen with the intent to understand, not to defend yourself."
Following this guidance is definitely challenging, but when I focus on listening for understanding, it helps me to grow as a leader in positive ways.
To be more open to receiving negative feedback, the biggest mindset shifts for me have been...
Feedback helps me grow as a leader (growth)
After I listen for clarity, I get to choose the feedback I decide to implement (empowerment)
Negative feedback sometimes, but not always, says more about the person giving the feedback than it does about me (more empowerment)
The biggest shift for me has been not to respond in the moment (which I still struggle with!) but rather gain understanding and decide at a later time how or even if a response is required.
How do you process negative feedback without feeling BAD?
Talking with my peers (other leaders or business owners) who truly understand the challenges of leadership and how it feels to process negative feedback at work, are my go-to resource for processing feedback. Whether it's a quick Zoom chat, phone call, or email, reaching out to TRUSTED peers for their perspective reduces my negative feelings around feedback and helps me to feel empowered in how to apply the feedback and how to respond to it.
Other ideas for processing feedback include...
Call the Employee Assistance Program (EAP), if your company has one (or TalkSpace/Better Help if you don't.) I've used the EAP several times in the past to help me process all types of emotions that arise with leadership and receiving feedback
Preparing for and practicing/roleplaying difficult discussions with a trusted peer. Practicing what I’ll say and how I will respond truly helps with the time for a difficult conversation comes.
Take an assessment - Sometimes learning more about ourselves and our leadership styles can help us to gain clarity and support from an objective perspective. This assessment is my favorite for helping understand how we each manage conflict.
Resources for Improving Feedback Skills
Here are my favorite resources for developing skills in giving and receiving feedback.
What works for you? How do you navigate negative feedback? Ping me to let me know. Would love to hear from you.
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